mikefotis.com

Happy Thursday!

1. I know you guys don’t like sports, but ESPN has a link to recently released letters written to and from Lou Gehrig during his battle with ALS. It is absolutely fascinating. Have a looksie if you pleasesie.

“Wow, nice incredibly short and depressing blog, asshole.”

Sorry. Busy day.

Happy Wednesday!

1.  The puppy now has a harness leash. She looks like a little canine para trooper.  It’s a little big on her, but it does the trick. And let’s face facts here people. In a week she will fit into it snug as a bug.  She now walks beside me like a little angel on our excursions through the north end of Minneapolis.  As a bonus, she’s sort of terrified of the harness, so last night when I caught her eating the coffee table, I just popped that sucker on her and boom! Maddie laid in her new bed and chewed on a stick for the rest of the night, trembling with fear that the “harness monster” attached to her would would attack. Because of the harness my home was a fucking Rockwell painting.

MONSTER!!!!!!!!!

2. Why are trunks so expensive? I’m not talking about amputated elephant trunks, because I get why that would be expensive. I’m talking about boxes with latched lids. Anybody know of any stores that sell cheap trunks?

Happy Tuesday! 

1. Today means big things for the puppy. We’re gonna head to Petco or whatever the fuck it’s called and we’re going to buy some nail clippers! Yay! Then we’re going to learn how to walk like a lady with her new leash/harness and retractable leash. Then, we’re going go to the dog park! Then we’re going to practice not being on my furniture. 

2. Yesterday I did 120 pushups. Granted they were broken up over 5 sets, but still…120.  C’mon, that’s pretty good. 

3. My solo Fringe show is still nowhere near written. Yikes. Still, because I know what I’m writing, I feel way farther along than I was last year at this time, when I had pages and pages of dribble. From that dribble I think one page made it into the show. Or maybe I’m just imagining a world where I am not a procrastinator. Chances are that at this time last year, I hadn’t written shit. The only thing I know is that I didn’t have any ideas. At all.

Happy Monday!

1. My furniture arrived today! I wish I could say that I wasn’t such a materialist, but I am. I like stuff. Stuff makes me happy. Shallow? Sure. I am shallow.

2. Hey! Going for walks with the puppy sure is frustrating. One minute she’s trotting along with me, as if she’s competing for greatest puppy ever. The next second she is in a fight with a tree. A fight. With a tree.

3. TCIF was great. Simply great. So well run and all of the groups not only killed in their sets, but were also super cool people. The BNW set flowed really well and shared the stage in a wonderful way. Fingergun revelled in, as Joe said, “controlled chaos”.  Ferrari’s set was a big deal for Joe and I. Honestly it was one of the best sets we’ve done. Shit was tight!  The whole 30 minutes was just so much goddamned fun.  It also proved that what we’ve been working on will work really well at the Fringe.

Speaking of, I hope people come to see Ferrari’s Fringe show. A lot of theater people hear the word, “improv” and they stay away, opting instead for the safety of a written show about chocolate vaginas. What? I don’t know. I’m just saying there is a part of me that is happy we’re doing an improv set as our Fringe show so that we can prove that when it’s done well by people who know what they’re doing, improv can be amazing.

Mike

Happy Thursday!

1. The Twin Cities Improv Festival starts tonight! Woo hoo! Tonight I play with the fellas of Fingergun at 7pm. We are playing with a group called The Cosby Sweaters. For more complete line up information, go to twincitiesimprovfestival.com! I am a very lucky man, because I get to play almost every night of the fest. Seriously, that’s something I’m incredibly grateful for.

2. I hate you T-Mobile. That’s all. Just had to get it off my chest.

3. You guys! I found a furniture set that I really like! I’m a home maker! A home maker! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Happy Wednesday!

1. This summer has become “Mike Tries To Get In Shape And Be An Adult Summer.” And so far, so good. I am a man who needs goals. I have to wrok towards something. Just saying I am going to do 10 sit ups isn’t enough to overcome the years of “laze training” my brain and body have engaged in.  So to fight this, I am working towards being able to do 100 push ups and 200 sit ups in a single setting. Both “programs” break up into five sets of torture that I am supposed to engage in every other day. At first, I was like, “Fuck you arbitrary number. Fuck you right in your b-hole.” But as the days have gone on and I’ve started to see results, I have to say that I am somewhat obsessed with accomplishing this goal.  It is my El Guapo.

2. In line with my summer of change, I have decided to buy actual adult furniture for my home. No more futons for couches, milk crates for shelves and the skeletons of homeless drifters as blinds. I am going to the store and I am going to buy furniture and have my living room actually resemble a living room. If my mother can figure out how to turn on her computer and somehow stumbles across this post, she will be very proud.I am thinking of going to HOM Furniture. They seem to have nice things at a reasonable price, but of course, I am open to suggestion.

Mike!

Happy Monday!

1. T-Mobile emailed me a special offer this weekend! For just ten dollars more a month, I can double my minutes and get unlimited night and weekend calling! What a great deal! Wait. Actually, now that I look at this offer, it doesn’t say anything about replacing the screen on my G1 or offering me a new one for what I originally paid.  That’s weird and here’s why. I’ve called you guys several times and each time you’ve asked me what my problem was, I never said, “I wish I had unlimited nights and weekends for only ten dollars more monthly than I already pay!”  Because if that had been my problem, you would have solved it you shitbergs. So, in other words, my problem remains unresolved. It’s kind of like this, T-Mobile. Pretend you’re a doctor and I’m a patient. I walk into your office complaining about my cancer. I make it very clear that I have cancer. I show you scans of my cancer. It’s clear I have cancer. Behind you, in a clear paneled medicine chest, is a bottle of cancer-b-gone.  All I need is a bottle of cancer-b-gone and I’ll be set. In no time, I’ll be flying kites and DJ’ing dance parties just like I used to. But here’s the problem. Despite hearing what my problem is, you offer me, I don’t know, let’s say Metamucil, saying that this will make me regular.  That’s nice of you, but it didn’t solve my problem you pile of afterbirth…

Also, fuck you.

2. So, I did my last show at the BNW for a few months on Saturday. Strange feeling for so many reasons. Some of them sweet. Some of them very, very strange.  Lots of people were acting like I was done forever. For good. Kerplunked and dunked. I’m not. I will return.

I am looking forward to trying a few new things while I’m gone. In fact, I’ve got a neat idea for my Saturdays. I’ll fill you in soon, once I’m sure I want to do it.

3. I am performing several times at TCIF. On Saturday with the BNW. On Thursday with Fingergun. And on Friday with Ferrari McSpeedy. You should definitely check those sets out.

Mike

Happy Friday!

1. Fringe looms ever nearer and my stories are starting to take shape. Huzzah! Huzzah! Right now, it’s looking like I have two stories instead of three, but I think you’ll dig the structure if you come to the show. Please come to the show.

2. Here’s a random picture of the puppy. She hates hands. If you get your hand too close to her, she will gnaw that shit off. For real. Also, the next morning, she was ten times the size she was in this picture. Because of the protien in hands. She’s pretty adorable. The other day she got into a fight with a pug. The pug won and I think it’s mostly because Maddie was shocked by the Pug’s will to survive and start shit. Do Pug’s have the same complex that short people do?

3. Here’s a picture of my brother being a terrible Father.  You’re a monster and I’ve documented it.

Happy Wednesday!

1. So Fringe inches ever closer and I am still not even close to done with my solo show. I know, I know it’s not like in the two years prior I was in a different position in June, but still, I would havee thought by now I would hhave come up with a better system than the “stall, stall, think, stall, write in my head, stall, think about chocolate, stall, stall, stall, oh my God Fringe starts tomorrow, write, write, write!” system that I have.

2. Spencer Pratt should be punched in the face constantly. What a fuck tard. And now he’s adopted that aimless, drown out cadence that most saved by Jesus types adopt. You know, you’re in such bliss, that what you say doesn’t have to make sense because Jesus is your editor. If I had children, I would give them sticks, point at him and then say, “Kill the bad man!”

3. Hey! Kevin McHale is no longer the coach of the T-Wolves. That’s too bad. As someone who was recently put in charge of things, it was nice to know that at least somewhere, there was someone who was less capable of doing his job correctly than me. Those days are over. I wonder who’ll they’ll pick. They’ll probably fuck up and accidentally re-hire Randy Whittman(sp). Get it? Because the T-Wolves are inept?

Mike

Happy Monday! Here was my Sunday.

1. Took Maddie to the Dog Park in Columbia Heights on Sunday afternoon. I like the Columbia Heights dog park. For one thing, it is across the street from a driving range which is a wonderful reminder that I am not the only person on the planet with a terrible golf swing. I also like the Columbia Heights Dog Park because I am much less likely to run into someone with glasses that are hipper than mine, than say at the Lake Of The Isles park. She partook in some epic play battles. Afterwards, she looked like a Freshman girl who had just come home from her first frat party. She was dirty and there was slobber everywhere. And someone probably stuck a finger (paw) in her butt without her being okay with it.

2. TPT, thank you for airing a Tom Petty concert for no reason whatsoever. Yay!

3. Thank you Fridley Menards for singlehandedly being the least helpful place on the planet. I was hoping that a ten minute trip would turn into an hour long trip into an otherworldly void where only I was capable of functioning. Everyone else was a fuck wad shit head ass eater. Also, thanks for over charging me for already over priced paving stones. Thanks. Seriously. I mean that.

4. I did make some amazing turkey burgers last night. Seriously, they were great. Well seasoned. The onions were carmelized, the meat was perfectly seared and the hummus was yumzy.

5. The Magic did a great job of playing terribly last night.

6. Phil Jackson is the best coach in NBA history. Period.

7. I watched the original The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3last night. Walter Mathau was just fantastic. So was Robert Shaw. Also, movies in the 70’s had no problem being racist or sexist. I think, thinkthe movie was doing so to make a point, but still, it threw me off a bit. Really well written.

Tomorrow!