mikefotis.com

Creature Feature, The 163rd Game, and The BNW Podcast!

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 | Plugs, Podcasts, Sports | No Comments

Happy Tuesday!

1. Quick Reminder! Creature Feature. BNW. 10pm. Thursday. If you’ve been to one of these before, you know how funny they are. If you haven’t, this is your chance to find out! Get your tickets for this week’s show or for any other show in the run, here!

2. Who’s it gonna be? The White Sox, a team that didn’t want to win their division? Or, is it gonna be The Twins, the other team that didn’t want to win their division? Sorry, that was probably a little harsh, but I mean come on! This division begged all season for one of these teams to take it home and make sweet love to it. But rather than jump on that shit, both teams acted like shy acne covered teenagers, reluctant to take a shot at the girl of their dreams. And now they’re being forced to battle it out all by themselves, the rest of the sport all wrapped up and tidy, waiting for the playoffs to begin. Maybe Twins and Sox will really piss everybody off and record a tie.

Watch, I’m making fun now, but whoever wins this game will probably tear through the AL and be their rep in the World Series.

3. The latest BNW podcast is up! Listen to it here!

Colds, Creature Feature and Baseball.

Monday, September 29th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Happy Monday!

1. My cold, which has actually been pretty mild, has reached stage 3-my ears. Stage 1 is my head full of snot. Stage 2 is my chest. Stage 3 is clogged ears. I feel much, much better but I can’t hear a thing. Actually I can, noise just sounds like it’s being filtered through wet cardboard.

I’m out of decongestants, which means back to the pharmacy for them to either give more more or eye me suspiciously as a meth addict. What I don’t get is, I used everything at its normal dosage. If that’s the case, shouldn’t I be allowed more when I run out? I shouldn’t have to make a doctor’s appointment to buy fucking decongestants.

2. Guess what starts this Thursday?  Creature Feature! That’s right everybody’s favorite improvised horror movie is back. And if that’s not enough, we are once again teaming up with Survivors of the Undead Plague for the scariest double feature the Twin Cities has to offer! This show sells very well so if I were you, I’d get your tickets…now! This week’s show starts at 10pm. Don’t worry sleepy heads, the show runs for 5 weeks, the last three of which start at 8pm!

3. Go Tigers!

4. I fear the Dodgers. Oh man. I just do. My stress…I mean game 1 starts on Wednesday. Pray for me.

5. Hey Bears defense nice job. Hey Bears offense, next time play the second half too.

Mike

Go Twins!

Friday, September 26th, 2008 | Plugs, Sports, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Happy Friday!

1.  Wow, that was a great series between the Twins and The White Sox, huh? Here’s what I’ll remember most about that series: The Fucking White Sox fucking lost every game they needed to win. Brilliant. I know it ain’t over yet, but that has sting, don’t it Ozzie?

White Sox aside, you gotta love those Twins. So spunky!

2.  John McCain has agreed to participate in tonight’s (I think it’s tonight. All I have to do is go over to CNN.com to verify, but the truth is I am too lazy) debate, reversing his stance from a few days ago.  I’ll be honest, there was part of me that thought his little “I’m not debating because I need to lead my country through this dark hour” stunt was pretty clever.  But I am thrilled that it has backfired in his face so beautifully.  Instead of appearing to be America’s  knight in shining armor, he’s looking like the face of a campaign that is panicking and in disarray.  Awesome.  Seriously.

3. Looking for something to do tonight around 10pm? Come and check out the BNW’s late night improv show, The After Party! All the improv, sketches and video your little hearts can take!

Mike

Happy Birthday, Joe.

Thursday, September 25th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Happy Thursday!

1. First off, happy birthday Joe Bozic. They (I don’t know who, just “they”) say that becoming a parent is the greatest gift any person could ever possibly receive, which is good, because my present might suck. It might not. But then again it might. You’ll know in about a week.

2. Nice job Twins! You guys sure do have some spunk! Win today and I think you’ll drive a nail in the White Sox’s collective coffin.

3. Mad Men is a pretty good show. I’m only 3 episodes in, but from what I can gather, in the 60’s all men were monsters and women were unhappy.  Also, I like the suits.

Mike

I’m Still Pissed. Seriously? He Blamed Us?

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Happy Wednesday!

1. You know what’s worse than a cold? Lots of things. Like a billion things. Even as my head fills with snot like a snot-pinata, I retain perspective. If the guy from the Jeaune Leune had a cold, he would have blamed us. “I waited for a anti-cold angel, but none arrived…My cough is the only thing that shatters your offer of silence.”

Seriously? Is he that pompous? Is it possible? Is no one else disgusted by him?

2. I am running super late for what may become the goofiest video shoot I’ve ever been a part of, so I need your help finishing today’s blog. Yes, I am asking for help. I get the irony of such a thing, especially considering post #1. Anyway, as you know, your Minnesota Twins are in the middle of a series with the Chicago White Sox that they must win. It’s up to you to come up with a rally cry! Or a rally symbol! Post your brilliance in the comments. The winner will receive nothing. Nada. But the Twins might just receive the spark they need to make history.

Mike

I Sound Bitter. Probably Because I’m Jealous.

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Happy Tuesday!

1. Last night I was bathed in the glamour that is the Ivey Awards. I could focus on what I hate about this show, like how the hosts from New York patted us on the heads and told us what a great community we had and how-hold your horses!-one of them might even move here! They couldn’t have been more condescending if they had given us each a plate of cookies.

I could focus on how a certain man from a certain theater was allowed to eulogize himself and kind of blame everyone but himself for why his theater closed. And how I clapped like a robot without really thinking.

I could focus on how the clearest sign of an inferiority complex is throwing a party for yourself to celebrate how awesome you are/hope to be.

But I won’t. I will simply say that there were parts of the show I liked, including the BNW’s performance (Go Josh, Joe and Bobby! Totally balls to the wall.), the shout out to Dudley, the World War One story performance, the people at the after parties who were awesome, Interact’s Ivey win, the continuing adoration of Lauren Anderson, the incredibly wonderful (for a million reasons, all valid) high school performance at the end of the show and the opportunity to wear a suit. What I am trying to say is that The Ivey’s are a good idea, we as a community never get together and we should,  but they are dealt with in a weird way that sloshes around in my stomach like acid.

God I want an Ivey…

2. The latest BNW podcast is up! Woo hoo!

Talk later,

Mike

Let’s Play Catch Up, Shall We?

Monday, September 22nd, 2008 | Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Hey all! Long time no blog, huh?  What can I say? I refuse to pay hotels for internet service.  Anyhoo, let me give you a little re-cap in the life that is Fotis.

1. Was able to spend time in NYC for the first time in my life last week. It was pretty neat. Of course it was leveled out by equal time spent in Newark, NJ which may be the worst place on the planet. Although, in Newark, you can go to a Portuguese restaraunt that serves what they refer to as “the seafood special” but would be better named, “half of the ocean”.

As for NYC, it was pretty much what I hoped for.  Walked through Central Park, took a picture of a pumping station that may or may not have been the location of the final scene in Marathon Man, took in the Guggenheim and saw art from a woman whom can only be described as…ANGRY, walked around the village (Which village? I don’t know. Stop asking me that question), and ate at one heck of a fancy restaurant with real live New Yorkers sitting at our table!  How fancy was this restaurant? Let’s just say, I was allowed to have all the bread I wanted the moment I wanted it. The trip ended with a cab ride to a Hampton Inn in Queens that remarkable in that it took nearly 2 hours and that I sat in the middle of the backseat and still managed not to puke.  Could it be as I age that I’m becoming slightly less motion sick?

The weird part for me was how homesick New York made me for Chicago.  Maybe it’s because I noticed how easily the people of New York fell into the rhythm of their city. A rhythm that’s effortless because it has to be in order to be a useful rhythm and not chaos.  A rhythm that’s impossible for a tourist-or a newbie-to replicate. A rhythm that appears to someone only after months and months of seeing and hearing about the rhythms. After months of  hearing about but not seeing the invisible grooves in the cement that come so easily to others but that are impenetrable to you and entirely necessary unless you like feeling like a ping pong “ponging” about.  And those rhythms and grooves in the cement have nothing to do with knowing which way east is-although that helps. It has everything to do with time.

And it’s the idea of time invested that reminded me of Chicago.

2. Speaking of Chicago, The Cubs clinched their division! Woo hoo! For those of you who have no idea what that means, The Cubs are officially in the playoffs. Man, October is going to be a combination of joy and one giant ulcer.

My Father called me about ten minutes after the clinching game and went straight into first round match up strategy and the pros and cons of shortening the rotation for the playoffs. The man has playoff fever. He ended the phone call saying, “This is the best team they’ve fielded in your lifetime”. I agree.

Crap. That can’t be good.

Mike

You Could Probably Just Skip This One

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Happy Tuesday!

1. Today’s gonna a be a chore of a day to get through.  I can just feel it in my bones.

2. How bout’ that Carlos Zambrano? A no hitter? Neat-o! The Cubs, as you all know, enter into a big series with the imploding Milwaukee Brewers today. It would be nice to officially put those guys away. Oh man, this is gonna be a stressful month.

3. Can a 31 year old “man” truly call himself a man if he’s considering replacing his bed with a sofa bed? It makes a lot of sense for me to do so as it will make my small bedroom much more livable. On the other hand, at a certain age people should only own furniture that does one thing, right? I don’t know. Judge away.

4. Tony Kushner just won a $200,000 playwrighting prize. I like TK, but if there was any playwright on the planet who didn’t need that financial prize, it’s him.

Ok, you know what? I should have more, but I don’t. Sorry.

Mike

Thank You For The Wonderful Customer Service!

Monday, September 15th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Happy Monday!

1. This weekend, maybe because I give off some pheromone that attracts it, I was the recipient of some really classic customer service. May I share some examples with you? Great.

Example #1-Kinko’s-Crystal, MN.

Hoping to get some photos enlarged, I entered a Kinko’s. I make eye contact with the clerk. He stares at me for 10 seconds and then says, “Yeah?” as if I couldn’t be bothering him more. I tell him I have some digital photos on my jump drive and I want to know how much it will cost to blow them up and what size I can go to without losing picture quality. He says, “What size?”

Thinking he’s talking about the size of the pictures on the jump drive, I start to say “1800 pixels by…”

“No! What size to you want the poster?” Not only did he snap his “no” at me like I was a dog that pissed on his shitty rug, but he then began to speak to me very slowly. I left Kinko’s and went to the one in Uptown, where they’re always nice.

Example #2-Walgreens-Uptown, MN

Before entering Walgreens, I hopped into Kowalski’s,  bought a Cliff Bar and tossed my receipt into the charity bin.  In Walgreens, I bought some other stuff and went to the register. The woman asked where I bought the Cliff Bar. I told her Kowalski’s. Without asking for a receipt, she grabbed the bar from my hand and scanned it. I told her she was rude. She told me that she was sure that I was stealing the Cliff Bar that I had PLACED ON THE COUNTER IN FRONT OF HER and that she had no choice but to snatch the bar from me and scan it. I told her she had a bunch of choices besides the one she chose and left.

Example #3-Target-Richfield, MN

I go to the pharmacy to get some decongestants. I’m the only other person besides the old woman in front of me waiting to be served. The pharmacist helps the old woman then looks at me and really defensively says, “Look. I’ve gotta go to lunch. We’re closed.”

“Seriously? Can I just get some decongestants really quick?”

“No. I only get 15 minutes lunch. No more. If I help you, it cuts into my lunch. I’ll be back at 2.”

He proceeded to close the metal gate on me. I checked my watch. It was 130.

Example #4-McDonald’s-Nicollet Ave, Uptown, MN

I drive up to the drive thru ordering kiosk thingy. I wait for about ten seconds. No one says anything on the other end. There’s a sign that says, “speak into the speaker.”

I take take the sign’s advice. I say, “Hello?”

I wait about ten seconds. Nothing. I say hello again. I wait again. I then say hello two more times and am finally served.

I pull up to pay. The 17 year old girl working the drive thru leans out the window and says, “Can I say something to you?”

Yes. By all means. Teach me something, 17 year old.

“Sometimes when people are at work things get really busy. And it doesn’t help to have someone screaming into the speaker “hello! Hello!”

She was expecting me to apologize, but instead I said with the stoicism of a man who’s seen the hells of war, “The sign said to speak into the speaker, so I did.”

“But I wasn’t ready to help you.”

I paused. What was the fastest way to kill her? I settled on simply slamming her head onto the metal shelf she was leaning on when I said as monotonously as possible, “The sign said to speak into the speaker. So I did. I did what your sign told me to do.”

She glared at me. I pictured family members crying at her funeral. I handed her my card and paid.

All she had to say was, “I’ll be with you in a moment” and none of this would have happened. Instead it was my fault.

Mike

Mike’s Old House

Friday, September 12th, 2008 | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

It’s Friday! This weekend’s gonna be grrrrrrrrreat!

1. Not only is Lisa Burton in town to perform on the mainstage this weekend, but she brought me Dunkin’ Donuts. Come on. That’s awesome.

2. Well, I am officially done with phase 1 of my house fixing. Well, 90%. I still need to frame some photos and stuff, but for the most part, my first floor-kitchen, living room and computer room are done. I am also still delightfully under budget. Yay!

Up next is my screen deck (what’s it called? I don’t know. It’s on the front of my house.), bathroom and the purchasing of a bed. When will this be done? I don’t know. I’ve still got some moulding to take care of upstairs…

Whatever, thank you for taking the time to read about Mike’s Old House.

3. Little Caesar’s is the worst pizza I’ve ever eaten. It’s also undeniably delicious.

4. Michael’s-the craft store, not me-was hosting a cake decorating ceremony last night. There’s nothing like watching 6 old women on the edge of their seats and staring with utter intensity as a cake is iced. It was insane.