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Happy Friday!

1. Thanks to everybody who came out to last night’s Creature Feature! It was very much appreciated.  We have one more left, but I’ll spare you the plug until next week.  *Smile*!

2. Really want to get my haircut but for some reason I am unable to pull the trigger. I don’t know why. When I grow my hair out, I look ill. I don’t know how else to describe it.

There’s an old school barber shop right across the street from where I am. Maybe I’ll go there.  It’s filled with old man barbers and old man customers. I want to go in there, because I’m pretty sure were I to be welcomed into their fold I would never go anywhere else to get my hair cut. However, I couldn’t take it if they didn’t want me. I might have to buy a flo-bee.

3. If there was ever a time to catch The Lion, The Witch and The War Hero it’s now. We’ve changed up a bunch of stuff in light of, say for example Retardo Bachmann’s thinking Hardball wasn’t a political talk show with a belligerent host. It’s a radically different show from last week. Woo hoo!

Okay, see you Monday.

Mike

Happy Thursday!

1. Creature Feature! Tonight! 2nd to last chance! 8pm. BNW. Get your tickets here. Not kidding folks. This show sells well.

2. Last night I made my first batch of Chili. Was it good? No. But here’s the recipe anyway.

1. Go to the grocery store. If you’ve never been, a grocery store is like say, Macy’s, except instead of buying an overpriced loveseat, you buy over priced onions. Here’s what you’ll need:

-1 lb of meat. I went with ground turkey because I want to feign good health.

-a package of pre diced onions. Or, you could save money and buy and dice your whole onion. You’re friends will say things like,  “Wow, you’re awesome. You diced your own onion. I just made partner at the law firm. Those accomplishments are pretty much the same.”

-Other veggies. I didn’t do this. You can. Branch out, you little tree you.

-Two cans of diced of halved tomatoes. You’ll only need one, but they’re less than two bucks a can, so go nuts!

-A small can of tomato paste. You’ll want to skip this. I know you will. You’ll be like, “Why paste? I’ve already got tomatoes! This is some sort of conspiracy.”, but you HAVE to buy some. You HAVE to.

-One can of kidney beans. Or you could go to your garden or bean tree or bush or whatever and get some fresh ones!

2. Once home (Big step. Most stores won’t allow you to cook while inside.) begin cooking (insert your term here. “make hot” is the important thing) the onions and the ground turkey.

-Take a moment and look at the clean pot sitting next to your frying pan. This pot is for the meat and onions and tomatoes and beans and PASTE! Consider how annoying it is to clean two dishes. Fuck that. If you’ve got a deep frying pan, throw all this shit in the pan. For a moment you’ll feel like an asshole, I can’t explain why, but the feeling will pass. Add all the tomatoes. One can should do it. Put the other can away. Be dramatic and tell the can it will live one more day. Add all the beans (water and all). Then add the paste. Seriously, paste is magic. Thickens everything right up.

-Look in your spice cabinet. Hmmm, you have no spices.  You know who has spices? Your friend who just made partner.  Dammit! Nothing’s worse than going to the store just for spices. Ugh. Tough break. Fortunately, you do have a bottle of Sriracha sauce! Squeeze 4 times what  your mother would deem appropriate into chili. Rub your hands together and squeal with joy. This is not optional. It must be done in order for chili to “set”.

-Let this all cook until you can’t take it anymore. If you wait a little longer than I did, your first batch of chili won’t feature raw turkey, which by the way, tastes fine.  Add cheese. Lots of cheese. More cheese than you can imagine! Got sour cream? Dump some of that in too! Do whatever you want. It’s chili. When serving to friends, name it after your aunt and say the recipe’s a secret. That’s what everybody else does.

-Enjoy!

Happy Wednesday! I’m kind of strapped for time today, what with unwritten holiday sketches looming over my head, so I’ve only time for a plug…

1. Get your tickets for Creature Feature. There’s only two shows left. This THursday and the next. Both shows are at 8pm at the BNW.  Last week’s crowd was huge, so it’s actually a really good idea to get your tickets ahead of time.

And don’t forget, Survivors of the Undead Plague are also a part of this spooktacular evening!

2. Also, the latest BNW podcast is up.

Mike

Happy Tuesday!

1. Well, I did it. I finally bought a new bed. Well, a new mattress. An entirely new bed would have landed outside of my budget (I’m 32 and I can’t afford a bed! What? Really? Wow. That’s sad.) Anyway, financial self loathing aside, I decided to plop down a few bucks on a nice, ultra firm, spring loaded queen sized mattress.

I assumed that my old mattress at home was a queen*. I mean, I knew I didn’t have a king and my mattress was definitely bigger than a twin. The only problem was, I didn’t realize there was such a thing as a full sized mattress. What? Why does there need to be? What the hell, you know? Anyway, after walking past my room and getting a sinking feeling that I had fucked up, I measured my old mattress** and confirmed that the mattress I had just bought was 4 inches bigger than my entire bed. Ugh. Nothing defines failure like driving back to Ikea in the middle of I35 traffic because of your own idiocy.

The folks at Ikea were nice, exchanges were made and delivery was set up for a 2nd time.

Thanks to all of you who forced me to go the bed route. I think I will be happy.

Mike

*It was always bitchy and loved drama. Hey-o!

**I didn’t do this before I left for the store, such was my confidence in the queen like nature of my mattress.

Happy Monday!

1. It happened yesterday, an unseasonably warm fall day. As I got into my car around 6pm, I noticed that the sun was going down.  In that moment I fell into a despair so complete and powerful that I fought tears the entire drive to Improv A Go Go (6 miles of tear fighting, for those of you keeping count). The bad part? This is early for me. Usually I don’t fall into despair until Daylight savings. Uh oh.

I’ve got the seasonal glums and the only way to fight it is to dive face first into a pile of unfinished projects. Keep moving. Gotta keep moving. I’ve found that you fight seasonal depression the same way you survive being lost in the wild. Keep moving. At all costs. Trust your instincts. Also, buy a hoodie you don’t need because it’s warm and makes you feel good.

Right now, I’m listening to Lucinda Williams. By doing this, I am in a sense, bringing this all onto myself.

2. The good thing about these blues is that they might help me get some house stuff done. I still have a bathroom to paint, bedrooms to fix up and a front porch that’s beginning to look like a set piece for a movie about junkyards.

3. The cook book continues to move forward.

Mike