mikefotis.com

Happy Thursday!

1. Creature Feature! Tonight! 2nd to last chance! 8pm. BNW. Get your tickets here. Not kidding folks. This show sells well.

2. Last night I made my first batch of Chili. Was it good? No. But here’s the recipe anyway.

1. Go to the grocery store. If you’ve never been, a grocery store is like say, Macy’s, except instead of buying an overpriced loveseat, you buy over priced onions. Here’s what you’ll need:

-1 lb of meat. I went with ground turkey because I want to feign good health.

-a package of pre diced onions. Or, you could save money and buy and dice your whole onion. You’re friends will say things like,  “Wow, you’re awesome. You diced your own onion. I just made partner at the law firm. Those accomplishments are pretty much the same.”

-Other veggies. I didn’t do this. You can. Branch out, you little tree you.

-Two cans of diced of halved tomatoes. You’ll only need one, but they’re less than two bucks a can, so go nuts!

-A small can of tomato paste. You’ll want to skip this. I know you will. You’ll be like, “Why paste? I’ve already got tomatoes! This is some sort of conspiracy.”, but you HAVE to buy some. You HAVE to.

-One can of kidney beans. Or you could go to your garden or bean tree or bush or whatever and get some fresh ones!

2. Once home (Big step. Most stores won’t allow you to cook while inside.) begin cooking (insert your term here. “make hot” is the important thing) the onions and the ground turkey.

-Take a moment and look at the clean pot sitting next to your frying pan. This pot is for the meat and onions and tomatoes and beans and PASTE! Consider how annoying it is to clean two dishes. Fuck that. If you’ve got a deep frying pan, throw all this shit in the pan. For a moment you’ll feel like an asshole, I can’t explain why, but the feeling will pass. Add all the tomatoes. One can should do it. Put the other can away. Be dramatic and tell the can it will live one more day. Add all the beans (water and all). Then add the paste. Seriously, paste is magic. Thickens everything right up.

-Look in your spice cabinet. Hmmm, you have no spices.  You know who has spices? Your friend who just made partner.  Dammit! Nothing’s worse than going to the store just for spices. Ugh. Tough break. Fortunately, you do have a bottle of Sriracha sauce! Squeeze 4 times what  your mother would deem appropriate into chili. Rub your hands together and squeal with joy. This is not optional. It must be done in order for chili to “set”.

-Let this all cook until you can’t take it anymore. If you wait a little longer than I did, your first batch of chili won’t feature raw turkey, which by the way, tastes fine.  Add cheese. Lots of cheese. More cheese than you can imagine! Got sour cream? Dump some of that in too! Do whatever you want. It’s chili. When serving to friends, name it after your aunt and say the recipe’s a secret. That’s what everybody else does.

-Enjoy!

Happy Monday!

1. It happened yesterday, an unseasonably warm fall day. As I got into my car around 6pm, I noticed that the sun was going down.  In that moment I fell into a despair so complete and powerful that I fought tears the entire drive to Improv A Go Go (6 miles of tear fighting, for those of you keeping count). The bad part? This is early for me. Usually I don’t fall into despair until Daylight savings. Uh oh.

I’ve got the seasonal glums and the only way to fight it is to dive face first into a pile of unfinished projects. Keep moving. Gotta keep moving. I’ve found that you fight seasonal depression the same way you survive being lost in the wild. Keep moving. At all costs. Trust your instincts. Also, buy a hoodie you don’t need because it’s warm and makes you feel good.

Right now, I’m listening to Lucinda Williams. By doing this, I am in a sense, bringing this all onto myself.

2. The good thing about these blues is that they might help me get some house stuff done. I still have a bathroom to paint, bedrooms to fix up and a front porch that’s beginning to look like a set piece for a movie about junkyards.

3. The cook book continues to move forward.

Mike

Happy Tuesday!

1.  Thanks to the brilliance of one of my readers (Melissa!), I have been inspired to write a cookbook. Actually, I’ve always wanted to write something similar (Anthony Bourdain is a hero for Christ’s sake) and have been kicking the idea of a show/book/story about me and cooking around for a while, but this seals the deal. Exactly ONE person I know likes the idea of me writing a cookbook. Exactly NO ONE I know likes the idea of me writing anything else. So, cookbook wins. I’ve actually got a pretty great idea for all of this. I can’t really cook. I like what I make but I wouldn’t wish how it looks to the naked eye on anyone.  Oh man, this is gonna be really funny. Woo hoo! National Novel Writing Month has now turned into National Kind Of Cookbook Writing Month!

2. Good news! For the next three Thursdays Creature Feature featuring The Survivors Of The Undead Plague will be at 8pm at the Brave New Workshop! That’s right, that’s 2 hours earlier than the previous 2 weeks.  The 8pm shows are the ones that are going to sell really well, so if I were you, I’d get tickets ahead of time.