1. Your last chance to catch Creature Feature this year is tonight! We’ve had great crowds so far for this run. It would be really awesome to end it on a high note. Come on down if you get a chance!

Tickets

2. My dog is awesome. It is really nice knowing that she’s always going to think I’m great.

That’s all.

Mike

I don’t know your name, so for the sake of simplicity I’ll just call you Jane. Jane, I’m sure you’re a sane and rational woman, and I am sure the portrait of the woman tattooed on your arm was/is a equally sane and rational.  So, I’m puzzled why you’d bring your very young children to the dog park.  I found it strange when you allowed your children to lie face down on the ground in the middle of the park and do…well, I have no idea what the fuck they were doing, but they sure as hell were doing it, while packs of dogs literally sprinted inches from them. Strange. It was is if, they had been told treasure was in the ground  and if they laid motionless in a dog park they would be rewarded with gold. Maybe that’s nature, I know I was a pretty weird kid, but there was something abouut their behavior that screamed nurture.

What’s more, when they decided to stand up, why would you allow your very young children to taunt an incredibly large dog? A dog so large  that were your two children to combine, they would still be smaller than this dog.  A dog was so large that it’s possible that it’s never seen anything as small as your children. Your tiny children were confusing to the large dog. The large dog wanted nothing to do with your incredibly tiny children. He wanted nothing more than to be left alone with his large self.  So it was even more confusing to the dog, me and everyone else in the park when you allowed your very small children to run circles around him and pester him with each lap they made. Imagine being pestered by two unrelenting flies. Well, I’m pretty sure that’s how the dog felt.  Further, when the owner of the large dog is openly asking you to keep your children away from her dog, why did you ignore her? The owner of the dog clearly said, “Don’t run circles around the dog, he’s starting to get irritated.”  Maybe you didn’t hear her. Who knows? The thing is, I was ten feet farther away from you than the dog owner and I still heard her clearly.

In closing, you’re stupid and you put your children at risk. Have a nice day.

-Mike

PS-No. I have never made a mistake.