1. On tonight’s episode of Top Chef, Robin, America’s favorite kind of annoying chef who used to have cancer will either be eliminated from the competition or continue her baffling ascent up the Top Chef ladder. I CAN’T WAIT!!!!

2. Hey Facebook, I really hate the news feed/live feed thing you’ve got going on. And by “hate”, I am fully willing to admit that I am to lazy to figure out the new layout.  My thing is this. Couldn’t the default feed be the live feed? That way, I always  am up to date with my friends and their pithy opinions.

3. Hey Chicago Cubs, guess what starts tonight? The World Series. Guess who’s not there? Well yes, you’re right. I’m not there. But neither are you, and that’s my point. Please be better next year.

On a side note, Joe Buck doesn’t annoy me like he does the rest of America. He does annoy me, just not as much as he annoys the average Joe and Jane.

-Mike

Performances:
Thursday October 15 9pm
Friday October 16 9pm
Sunday October 18 330pm

Produced by Nimbus Theatre and presented as a double bill with Allegra Lingo’s, “Crescendo”.

Tickets $12, $10 with Fringe button (or $20 / $18 when you see both shows together!).

More information can be found here:

http://www.nimbustheatre.com/discover/nightsofthelivingfringe.php

2. So…I was wrong about the Twins. Oopsy. Although to be fair to how awesome I am, the series should still be happening. The Twins blew some chances.  Question: With the Twins moving into a new stadium, and in theory, garnering more revenue will their spending be indicative of this shift? Or, will they continue to play the small market/scrappy player card?

1. I didn’t see any of last night’s game because I was working, but I did catch snippets of it on the radio . It sure sounded like the greatest game in Major League history. Last night’s win will work in one of two ways against the Yankees. It will either serve as a catalyst for the team and and cause them to tear through the Yankees like a chainsaw through butter, or last night’s win will serve as an awesome memory to fall back on when the powerhouse that is the Yankees brings the Twins back to earth.

My money? The Twins win in 5.  Punto will hit 9 homers in the series and during the celebration on the mound after the Twins have pulled off the impossible, Joe Mauer will piss all over the field in Yankee Stadium and scream, “NEVER! I WILL NEVER BE A YANKEE! SUCK IT, JETER!”

I’m in a weird place right now. For the first time in the nearly ten years that I’ve lived in the Twin Cities, I followed the Twins much more regularly than I did the Cubs. I don’t know what it is but after two straight playoff appearances and exactly zero wins to show for those appearances, I just didn’t have the mental energy for another Cubs heartbreak. I’m glad that the Twins have been there to remind me that I can root for a team without all the emotional wreckage.

1.  That was some Super Bowl, huh?  To be more accurate that was one hell of a 4th quarter, huh? To be most accurate, that was one hell of a final five minutes, huh? However you shake it, the first half of the game was awful. A waste of time, minus the “How Not To Tackle” clinic the Cardinals displayed at the end of the first half as a giant Steeler named Harrison intercepted a Kurt Warner pass just short of the goal line and lumbered down the field in a play that may have been directly taken from a slapstick comedy. The third quarter just sort of happened.  When it ended I felt nothing. It was the perfect way to welcome February, a month in which I feel nothing, into my life.

Whatever, most of the 4th quarter was really, really entertaining. That’s all I was trying to say. My problem is I’m a bad writer and am unable to communicate with words.

2. The commercials were really horrible this year.  The Danica Patrick ones held promise, but much like her career, they ended up being a little disappointing.  Wango! Seriously, even though I knew there was zero chance that I’d see any boobage, for a brief moment I was really excited. Twice.

I truly think there has been so much anticipation allowed to build up around Super Bowl commercials that advertisers are starting to choke a bit.

Whatever. Maybe the magic of the Super Bowl commercial has passed me by. Just like my youth.

Mike

1. For some reason, and you may not necessarily see it, but my sight appears to have taken on an all italic flavor. Let me assure you italic haters out there, that there is absolutely NO REASON this should be happening. I’ve checked, double checked and triple checked the site’s design and shouldn’t be happening.

…Or maybe the italics were always there and I just noticed now. Whatever. I hate it and I want it gone.

2. Heading down to Chicago with the mainstage cast of the Workshop (Minus pretty boy Bozic) for some Sketchfest fun on Thursday. Should be a really good time.  We have two shows on Friday and Saturday. Stop by if you want to see some comedy. Like I said,  it should be fun. Unless for no reason whatsoever the entire festival is awash in unwanted italics.

3. Congratulations Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice. You’re both worthy of the Baseball Hall Of Fame. Sorry Andre Dawson. You’re still my favoritest player ever. One day you’ll get in! I just know it! You just have too! Whoa! Sorry about that. My inner 12 year old snuck out for a second…

Mike

1. Fuck you, Bears.  I went to the game last night, and while I will freely admit that the Vikings played very well, The Bears’ inability to catch balls down field when they were wide open also probably played a role in the game’s outcome.

Anyway, onto the fun stuff.

The Miller High Life guy sang the National Anthem. It was terrible, but it felt really American in a completely gross, marketed way.

The commercial break contests were great fun! The keg race was awesome.

Last year, as some of you might know, a few of us got into a verbal tussle with a group of hillbilly-ish Vikings fans, in particular a mother daughter duo who shared beer and cigarettes. It got more than a little heated and I’m pretty sure that most of us felt a little bit of guilt about things that were said.

Well guess who sat in front of us again this year? Apologies (kind of. More of a truce) were had and things went pretty well with mom and daughter. There was no more hatred to be spewed. There was no point in looking back. We would just ignore each other. Which worked until the end of the game, when the daughter was too drunk to remember the terms of our agreement and made fun of us in the most adorably inept way.

The fellas sitting behind us were tons of fun to shoot the shit with. They knew the game, and harbored no fantasies that they were part of the team.  And aside from the creepiness factor, there was a certain charm to the weird guy who every four or five plays, would leave his seat a few rows in front of us and come and  talk to me.  “Talk” isn’t the right word.  He more just stated facts at me, like “The Vikings have lost 4 super bowls” or, “My wife…she’s sitting right there…is a Vikings fan. But not me. I like the Bears…and Packers…And the Vikings are okay. Do you like stuff?”

Really, the only people that annoyed me were this alcoholic middle aged couple.  After a Bear’s cheap shot, the middle aged man, whose real shame is not that he’s an alcoholic, but that he feeds his beast with Mike’s Hard Lemonade, turned to us and screamed, “You know that was bullshit! You know it! Bullshit! You guys are dirty!”  He wanted us to apologize for the hit, but we stood by our argument that we were not on the Bear’s coaching staff and under no obligation to apologize, an argument which he rejected.  Thank God, the ensuing  MHL’s  that he downed dampened his fervor.

As for his wife, what is the best way to describe her? Maybe as the person in your office that nobody likes because she’s snarky and is in no way a decent human being to those around her?  Here’s why I say that, after being accused of orchestrating the late hit on Gus Ferrotte, we did everything in our power to ignore this couple.  They were just annoying, and were hoping to take the problems in their marriage and transfer them onto us for an evening.  Fine. People do that all the time. Whatever. The thing is, she kept trying to goad us into fights, at one point staring us down and screaming, “I know the rules of football!” , clearly hoping that one of us would scream back, “No you don’t! Girls don’t know nothin! No get out of this stadium and make us a pie!” at which point her limp dick husband would remember that at one point in his life he loved (at least liked) his wife and would defend her honor.
We didn’t take the bait and she never got to see her husband let her down.  You think I’m being a dick, but she truly, truly sucked.

Anyway, the moral of the story is this: A good time was had by all.

1. Preview week at the BNW is over. Well, that’s not entirely true. There’s one more left on Thursday, the day before opening, but the truth is by the time that preview goes up, 99% of the show is complete. So in a way, I hesitate to even call it a preview mainly because the chance of failure and misery is so very slim. Let’s refer to it as the “almost opening”.

As for this weekend, I wasn’t surprised by the audience reaction to my stuff as I was reminded yet again, that my humor is an acquired taste and one that doesn’t necessarily resonate with…people.  As for the show on the whole however,  I was caught off guard by what the audience liked and didn’t like. Normally, I have a pretty good gauge for that stuff, but for this run my “audience-tron 550″ was a little off.  So, stuff I thought was pretty solid is probably gone and stuff i wasn’t sure about hit HUGE.  After doing this for a while, it was kind of nice to be surprised.*

Each preview was met with wild enthusiasm and I’m pretty sure a statue is being erected for Lauren Anderson, who in her comic brilliance, essentially put the crowd into a comedy coma**(***), with everything she did. I would come to this show is all I’m saying.

2. Kerry Wood is no longer a Cub. Most people will look back at his career and see it as something of a tragedy. Hall of Fame talent, that got wrung through the injury grindhouse. And there certainly is that angle. There’s no denying it. But he will always be one of my favorite Cubs, because he never complained about his lot, kept the game in perspective and frankly turned himself into one hell of a closer.

I was always impressed by him.  Good luck!

*I believe firmly in the show over the individual and kind of hate myself for starting off this paragraph talking about myself, but what are you gonna do?  Sometimes, all the editing in the world still yields narcissism, despite best intentions. Give me a break.

**You might think I’m trying to garner favor with this, but let me assure you, if there’s one person who I know for sure doesn’t read this blog, it’s Lauren.

(***)Everyone in this show deserves a statue. Whew. Dodged a bullet! By lying.****

****Just kidding.

Mike

1. The Cubs were swept in the first round of the MLB playoffs. In other words, they choked. They managed something like 6 runs for the entire series. I can’t even put into words how I feel right now. I know I can’t wtch anymore baseball for the year. It just hurts too much. I feel like I got dumped ad ever saw it coming. I expected to go on several more dates with this girl. In fact, I thought she might be the one. But then, out of nowhere, she calls, says it’s over and changes her number and address, just to be sure that the break off is complete and final.

Fucking Cubs. And don’t give me any of that “loveable losers” bullshit. That’s a cute moniker for non fans.

2. In brighter news, I’m in Missouri visiting my nephew! Woo hoo! He’s the best.  I drove through the entirety of Iowa to get here.  It’s literally a 300+ mile straight shot. Additionally about every 50 miles or so, public radio would start over and I’d be forced to listen to Prarie  Home…again. Over and over. it was awful.

Byee!

Mike

1. Holy crap! The creepiest improv show in the Twin Cities starts tonight! 10pm! BNW! But wait, did you know this show is a double bill, also featuring the talents of Survivors Of The Undead Plague? And wait, did you know that I’m playing with the Survivors throughout the run of Creature Feature? Holy smokes! Hope to see you there.

2. In order to mentally prepare for tonight’s show, I’ll be watching the Cubs in game 2 of the NLDS. If you watched last night (Anyone?) you fully understand how watching a Cubs game is great prep for horror comedy. Come on Zambrano! We need you, you crazy crazy motherfucker.

3. I’m watching the final season of The Wire and I am an emotional wreck. So much death. So little-but poignant when it happens-redemption. So much newsroom/street/cop drama. I’m just going to say it, The Wire is my favorite show ever.  What’s your favorite show? Let’s argue!

Mike

1. I’m sorry Twins fans, I truly am. This may sound hollow coming from this die hard Cubber, but you have to remember, I grew up in hard core White Sox territory.  Seeing them succeed brings me right back to the days of being harassed because my favorite team wasn’t graced with the presence of baseball immortality, like Frank Thomas and Jack (blackjack) McDowell.  God, those days really shaped the miserable bastard I am today.

2. Hey! Nothing says, economic security like a bailout know one wants, huh? I was having trouble grasping how something so large could affect me. I mean, 700 billion dollars? That’s like 700 billion McDonald’s cheeseburgers, you know?

Luckily, my car broke down last night. I’m sure when I get the bill the reality of my financial situation in relation to the Country’s will become much clearer. Man, I’m hoping I’m crying wolf and my car needs nothing more than a hug.

3. Finally….GO CUBS! GO CUBS! GO CUBS!

4. Can anyone drive me to a bar that will be playing the game?

Mike