mikefotis.com

Sorry About Yesterday!

Thursday, June 12th, 2008 | Plugs, Sports | 13 Comments

Happy Thursday! Sorry for the no blog yesterday. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Anyhoo…

*I read last night in the Star Tribune that ERs throughout the metro area are running low on Rabies vaccinations. For a man who is terrified of bats-Sorry, that’s not true. I’m more than terrified of bats, if that’s possible- Anyway, for a man who is more than terrified of bats, this is chilling news. It’s like a horror movie made just for me that I have no interest in seeing. Ugh. Ironically, this article came out just over a year since my last bat encounter. God, bats scare me. Moving on…

*DIGG ME! Just hit the “DIGG” button at the bottom of the blog. I’m not sure what this does, but apparently it will make me amazingly popular. Moving on…

*You may have noticed that my header image includes the dates I will be participating in the Twin Cities Improv Festival. Helpful to you, my loyal readers? You bet. You may have also noticed that the header says you can click it for more info about the festival. Someday this will be true. That day is not today or the next day. It should be working. It’s just not. For now please visit twincitiesimprovfestival.com. Moving on…

*Alfonso Soriano, the Cubs 45 year old 31 year old broke his wrist (or maybe his hand, I saw the info scroll across the screen like a streamer of sadness and was too horrified to look twice in order to confirm my fears) last night. Crap. Oh well, this team is solid. I’ve decided to remain confident, like Amelia Earhart. TOO SOON! Moving on…

*Cate(Hi. I don’t believe we’ve met. Maybe we have. I don’t know.), you asked me to list the dates of my upcoming Fringe Show. I’m on it. By Monday, that shit gonna be done!

Have a nice day.

Mike

The Story Of The Turtle’s Final Game Of The Spring Season As Told By Mike Fotis, Author/Recounter Of Events

Monday, June 9th, 2008 | Sports | 4 Comments

Happy Tuesday

The day had come. With this final game, the Spring League would be complete and all eyes would fixate on the Summer League, which was more attractive, if only because it was new and shiny and more of a bubbly concept than a liquor soaked, hooker stinky reality. The Brave New Workshop Skirt Turtles limped, walked and trotted (but mostly limped) onto The U of M Softball Complex. Their Battle Arena was Diamond 3*. Their opponent was the MasterBatters. The prize, if won, was the honor of being only the second worst team in the league.

The game started ominously. With their regular coach Joe Bozic off in California selling baby arms to parents of babies with no arms, Mike was left to man the lineup card. Mike is many things, including the author/recounter of this tale, but he is also stupid. Very stupid. The lineup was butchered so badly that the Umpire, who resembled Mike Tice, told him he could no longer touch the lineup card, let alone use it to keep tally.

Despite Mike’s stupidity, which might as well be labeled, “learning disability associated with orders and sequences”, The Skirt Turtles managed to play like true warriors of the 12 inch**. Shins were bruised. Toes were jammed. Fingers were mangled. Knees were wobbly. But bats were also swung with grace, walks were afforded those with vision of an eagle. Fly balls were caught, if not with grace, then with desire. Grounders were fielded cleanly and by the end of the game, your Skirted Adorables were winning by a handful. Then, like out of a book whose author had no pity and sense of justice, the MasterBatters, went to work, jerking and stroking balls all over the field. You see, your Skirt Turtles became fatigued and their bats could sense that. That and one of the Masterbatters was able to hit a softball farther than this author/recounter of events has ever seen. Easily over 300 feet. Like the ball had been shot out of a potato gun. Spirits were low but were buoyed by a spirited rally in the top half of the last inning that forced a tie. Truly, it was amazing. Your turtles knew what needed to be done and they hit, walked and scored their way into an inspired rally. In the end, they fell short. And hard. And with a thud, losing by one run. But one thing is certain. The Summer League will have a much different outcome. Maybe.

* It turned out your brave warriors were on Diamond #2, even the email clearly said #3. Your brave author/recounter of events digresses.

** Not a porn. Should be, but it’s not.

Holy Shit and Indiana

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 | Sports | 6 Comments

Happy Wednesday!

Holy Shit

The Chicago Bulls (A professional basketball team for those of you that don’t know) had only a 1.7% chance of getting the number one pick in last night’s NBA draft lottery.  Last year they were bad enough to not make the playoffs, but too good to actually have a chance at landing at top draft pick.  Or so America thought. Suddenly the Bulls have a chance to pick up a potential star and catapult right back into the league’s elite teams.  I’m thrilled, but it isn’t really fair. They’re being rewarded for not living up to expectations. Had they actually played to their talent level, they never would have been in the lottery. So there’s the lesson, kids. Don’t try hard. Underachieve. Get your coach fired. Don’t trade for Pau Gasoll. You’ll be rewarded in the end.

Not that I’m complaining…

Indiana Jones and the Recapturing Of My Youth

Oh God, can’t wait. So Excited. Might vomit. Don’t care if the reviews are mediocre.  Hearing that music as the credits roll will make the last 19 years less of a waste of my time.  I got a migraine within the first five minutes of Last Crusade, stuck in there until the end just like Indy would have done and immediately afterward puked neon green vomit all over the movie theater bathroom. Ah memories. Come to think of it, I hope seeing Indy on the big screen doesn’t trigger the same response, kind of like what happens when I see or smell vodka.

Mike

Softball Failure and Fringe Gardening

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008 | Solo Show Stuff, Sports | 4 Comments

Happy Tuesday!

Softball Failure

Well, the regular season (Spring Session) is over. We’re 2-4. I’m not gonna lie to you, I wanted to finish .500. I’m not sure that any theater softball team has ever achieved such a gaudy record and I sure as snot wanted to be associated with such a feat. I would have put it on my resume.  We didn’t play poorly yesterday. In fact, we played almost OK, but the other team played a little bit better.  We have the playoffs coming up in two weeks, but before I focus on that, I want to look back on the season that was.

*After weeks of speculation between the two, Josh Eakright proved that he was indeed faster than Joe Bozic through the time honored spectacle of the after bar footrace. Jason Bidnas finished 3rd in our race and gave both Joe and Josh a run for their money.  Yours truly brought up the rear, ending weeks of speculation on my part that I was the slowest of the three.  I love after bar races. They are the heights of male showmanship.

* Joe Bozic is the Lou Piniella of Co-ed recreational softball.  The man’s a screamer and demands results. I am also totally impressed with his ability to manage our 30 person roster. That, my friends, is no small task.

*Softball is the most brilliantly fun game in the history of mankind. I love it, and truly hope we sign up for the summer session.

Fringe Gardening

It’s coming along. I’m trying to have the whole thing done by this weekend.  That way I can maybe preview it a couple of times. That would be nice.  I’ve done a lot of writing in my head while gardening. Turns out the frustration of dandelions really spurs my creative juices. That might be the key.

Thanks, 6 Years and Softball

Sunday, May 18th, 2008 | Dinner With Fotis, Plugs, Site News, Sports | 1 Comment

Happy Monday!

Thanks

First off, a big thank you to all of you who took the time to listen to the first episode of DWF and especially to those of you who took the time to offer feedback.  I really appreciate all of it.  Also, sorry about the whole “chipmunk” thing that some of you experienced. I have no idea how to fix that, but I’ll work on it.  While hysterical, chipmunks aren’t my target audience.

While I search for the exact format that I want this show to take on, the next few episodes will differ quite a bit stylistically. It should be fun.  Unless you’re the type of person who craves consistency. If that’s the case, the next few weeks will annoy you.  Again, thanks for listening. You’re all tops with me.

6 Years?

Ferrari performed as part of Improv A Go Go’s 6th anniversary show last night and like always, it was a total blast. All of the performers were great and even though  I’m usually our harshest critic,  I have to say I was a big fan of our set. Fast paced and character driven. Like a Clancy novel meshed with a novel by an important author. What?

Softball

Final game of the Spring session of Co-ed Softball is tonight.  If we win we are 3-3 and have all the momentum going into the playoffs. If we lose? Well, we have less momentum and hopefully still make the playoffs. Yikes, huh? I mean, that is a ton of pressure. The ball will surely seem smaller tomorrow as your favorite band of turtles battle nerves and the Vegas bookmakers.  God, I hope we win.

Mike

Morning Of Triumph, Fringe Show

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 | Solo Show Stuff, Sports | 7 Comments

Happy Tuesday!

Morning Of Triumph

I woke this morning unable to bend my right knee and unable rotate my right ankle. My lower back may no longer exist. It certainly isn’t handling the weight of my upper body as per usual. My head is throbbing and my sinuses are completely shut. Some of this is because I fell asleep on a futon last night. Some of it is because I’m allergic to everything that nature has to offer. But most of it has to do with Co-ed recreational league softball, which I am pleased to announce found the Skirt Turtles dancing in the victory column for the first time.  Oh God, winning is so much better than losing. Sorry kids, but your little league coaches lied to you. The euphoria of actual victory FAR outweighs the wisdom found in moral ones.

The game last night was a ton of fun and over the past few weeks the team has seen some real improvement, which makes the games far more interesting to play. We have one more game left in the Spring schedule. If we win, we will finish 3-3*, shocking our critics and laying the foundation for several years of championships.

Fringe Show 

Serious brain freeze happening here. I don’t have writer’s block as I have plenty to write about, but I am having trouble starting any of the stories. I’m running into two problems:

1. Do I necessarily want all of the stories to be autobiographical? Probably. Ok, so I just solved that problem, but I do have one more problem, which is:

1-a. I am unable to write a simple story. I keep trying to cram a message into it, which seems kind of forced and icky. Or, I keep trying to tie my story, which for argument’s sake is about screwdrivers, to some larger theme. For example, I tell my amusing tale about screwdrivers and college and then try to tie it into the whole issue of college binge drinking.  That’s a perfectly fine thing to do. But I am having trouble convincing my brain that I don’t have to do it. If it’s there, fine.  Awesome. Go for it, find and connect things to a larger problem to your heart’s content, lil’ Fotis.  The problem is, if the connection to something larger isn’t there, then I am doing a disservice to the story I’m already telling. I think a lot of stand ups/storytellers have this issue. The feeling that you have to come up with something new and unique. And to a certain extent this is true, I mean plagiarism ain’t cool, kittens. But the truth is, my goal should be nothing more than to tell a good story. My goal shouldn’t be to connect my story to the greater good.  Just tell the story. Find the connections later.

Ok. Problem solved. Thanks for listening. Have any other writers out there experienced what I’m talking about?

Mike

*Don’t forget the forfeit!

Baseball Caps and Punch Out

Friday, May 9th, 2008 | Plugs, Site News, Sports | 7 Comments

Happy Friday!

Baseball Caps

Yesterday I took in my first St. Paul Saints game with my friend Peggy. You’ve got to love Independent League baseball. These guys aren’t affiliated with any Major League club. They are in a very loose sense, a step below the minors. Players in this league may be grasping to the hopes of making it big, but they are for the most part, playing because they love it. Got to admire that.

Field of Dreams-like nostalgia aside, the game was ok. Actually, I was thrilled to learn that both teams playing were actually worse defensively than the Skirt Turtles.

Skirt Turtle daydreams aside, I bought yet another baseball cap to add to my collection. I now have somewhere around 30. Well, 20. I’m missing about ten of them, including my prized and beloved Yomiuri Giants cap. I feel lost without her. If I ever came over to your house with a box of hats and forgot them, please mail them back to me. I will pay the shipping. Anyhoo, I am now the proud owner of a St. Paul Saints home baseball cap. It’s a real beaut, but the cap needed some work to reach full awesome-tude. Pay attention kids. If you want a truly awesome worn in look to a cap, without actually having to wear it everyday for a year, follow these steps:

1. Beat it against something. Anything. Beat the shit out of it. Especially the front of the cap, which has the hard backing. Hard backing is your enemy. Beat the fuck out of it.

2. Take a shower wearing the cap. Just do it. Soaking the cap and then wearing it on your head until it is dry, is the only way to assure a worn in look.

3. Dump a bunch of dirt on it. This is optional, but necessary if you want your hat to look like it has had a bunch of dirt dumped on it.

Punch Out

HUGE (Me, Joe, Jill, Butch BUT NOT NELS) VS. 123 Improv. 11pm. BNW. Tonight. Be there so that you can one day tell your grandchildren about the massacre you witnessed. Your story will start something along the lines of, “Truth be told, 123 Improv never had a chance…”

I’m off to record the first episode of Dinner With Fotis. It should be ready sometime early next week! Woo hoo!

Mike

Plugs and April Teases

Friday, May 2nd, 2008 | Plugs, Sports | 2 Comments

Happy Friday!

Plugs

I have good news for all of you. There’s almost too much to do tonight. Almost. One thing I respect about all of you is your creativity. With a little elbow grease, I’m sure you can figure out a way to attend all of the following:

1. The Brave New Workshop At 50: Old Enough To Know Better

It’s a best of show presented by some of the funniest people this city has to offer.

8pm-BNW-Click the link for ticket prices.

2. Improv Punch Out

This week it’s Larnyx vs.  The Unstoppables. Both groups are dangerous. Dangerously funny!
11pm-BNW-$10

3.  Rockstar Storytellers

This month’s topic is stories of rejuvenation! It will be amazing. Seriously, if you’ve yet to see one of these shows, you should. The people performing are amazing, I tells ya! Amazing!

10pm-BLB-$10? (I’m not 100% sure of the cost. I’m the bad member in this group. I already know. Don’t rub it in.)

April Teases

I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to jinx it. It’s early and success in April doesn’t mean anything. All I’m going to say is that I’m getting excited. It could be a nice summer. Maybe. Hopefully. Oh God, I haven’t been this optimistic in years. Oh God, could this be for real? Should I give in with all my heart? I’m still playing coy, but they’ve more than caught my eye.

Have a nice weekend.

Mike

Humility…One Slow Pitch At A Time

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 | Sports | 7 Comments

Happy Tuesday.

1. I am officially in my 30’s. We played softball again last night which aside from the loss, served as yet another stiff and obvious reminder that I am old(er) and more importantly, terribly out of shape.  I can no longer run. I can merely jog. I lack any and all explosiveness. If a ground ball forces me to move even half a step to my left or right, it’s takes all the power I have to get my body there which is usually a full second after the ball has passed.  And all that pathetic effort is usually accompanied by a heinous scream in which whatever is left of my masculinity is finally allowed to escape and seek refuge in another more capable athlete. Yesterday, while playing the outfield I trotted to a ground ball, bent over to pick it up and promptly fell over. Why? Because I am no longer able to run and bend at the same time.  Running and bending is something that an athlete should be able to do with ease.  More proof that I am NO athlete.

Here’s the thing, I’ve never been a great or even a good athlete. But I was at least a capable one. I may not have made the great plays, but I could at least be counted on to make the routine plays. I may not hit the home run, but I could at least be counted on to NOT FOUL OUT IN SLOW PITCH FUCKING SOFTBALL.

So, the “whip Fotis into shape 08′!” campaign is being pushed up a notch. Along with some of the other things I’ve been doing (jumping jacks! Pull Ups!), I will be incorporating jogging, shuttle runs and something yoga-y. This not being able to bend thing has me really worried.

Mike

Softball Sorrows, AC Adapters and Web Commercials

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008 | Sports, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Happy Tuesday!

SOFTBALL SORROWS

Well, the BNW Skirt Turtles are 1-1 following our loss last night at the hands of The Buzzin’ Bees.  At one point we were winning the game. Then we were down by three. In the end, we lost by 13. In short, we have yet to learn how to seal the deal. We did a lot of things a lot better than the week before, ie, we caught several more flyballs, swung the bats a little better and on a personal note, I am still able to slide into a base with the same grace I had in 8th grade, which is the last time I slid into a base. However, our blatant disregard for the rules of the game came back to haunt us time and time again. It’s like we see a pop fly to the shortstop and have no choice but to run if we’re standing on 2nd base with less than two outs, you know? We’re wild stallions and we ain’t gonna get tamed anytime soon!  Anyhoo, we’ll get em’ next week, I’m sure.

ADAPTERS 

In other news, the ac adapter on my Dell has given out. I need a new one. Does anyone know of any good sites for AC adapters that are sold for a little cheaper than what is available on Dell.com? $70 seems kind of steep.

Web Commercials 

I’m off to shoot a web commercial!  For those of you that aren’t net/web savvy, a web commercial is a commercial that appears only on the internet.  It will never appear on TV. Never. But it will appear on the interweb.  TV=no. Interweb=Yes. I’m excited. I mean, I’ve already tackled the local television market with my trustworthy face and ability to unroll duct tape faster than the average person. I think it’s time for me to hit the web with nothing but my web surfboard and desire to be rich. Also, I can’t wait to hear what sort of odd looking person Jimmy Gaines thinks I look like in this commercial.  Redd Foxx? D.J. Smalls?  Oh boy! I can’t wait!

Mike