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Happy Thursday!

1. Normally I like to reserve the space on this blog for rants about how awesome/neurotic/handsome I am. I mean, this is a blog for Jake’s sake, you know? But occassionally I like to leave my bubble of “all things me” to shower props on people in this city who I think are crazy talented. One of those people is…Brian Beatty. Brian is truly one of the funniest people I know. Metro Magazine seems to agree. Not only was he featured in their “comedy” issue, but he also recorded a video with them that I think is pretty dang funny.

Nice Job, Brian Beatty.

-Mike

PS-I am a wonderful man.

Happy Friday!

Last night I went to the hip new eatery, Burger Jones. Burger Jones has been getting a lot of “buzz” in this city and as you know, if something cool is happening in the TC, I am there within 2 to 3 months of it becoming popular. What can I say? I am awesome. Anyhoo, here’s the review.

Drink: I had the water. It was fantastic. Obviously filtered and playfully chilled with chunks of frozen water. Throughout the evening, I kept kept back to this delightful treat.

Burger: I opted for the Turkey burger. I agree, I was at a restaurant known for burgers and should have opted for the classic beef option, but let’s face facts.  I need to eat better and the turkey burger seemed to be the slightly healthier choice.

The turkey burger was pretty fantastic. Most turkey burgers I’ve had were clearly pre formed patties, meaning the chef didn’t have much to do with it. This one was clearly made from scratch. Topped with avocado slices and a orgasmicly good spicy mayo, this burger had it all.  The bun was fine. In truth, I thought it would be better. Oh well.

Fries: First strike against the fries? They didn’t come with the burger. Fuck that. I am cheap. Fries come with the burger. Fuck you for making me pay more, Burger Jones.  Having to buy the fries separately makes me feel like I’m buying a lamp at IKEA. All the parts are sold separately. Also, the waffle fries, while well seasoned and tasty, didn’t exactly deserve to be sold on their own. Shame on Burger Jones! Shame!

Ice Cream Sandwich: THe vanilla ice cream was ball knockingly tasty, but the “bread” of the ice cream sandwich was crispy as opposed to soft and chewy. Why fuck with the ice cream sandwich? Why? Shame!

Overall, it was a fine meal.  Go there if you want. I DON’T CARE!!!!

Mike

Happy Wednesday!

1. Ok seriously, me. I am at serious crunchtime now.  It is time to hunker down and get this show finished.  I should have titled my show, A Summer Of Procrastination With Fotis, Culminating In An Evening Of UnMemorized Yuk Yuks and Skiddleleedoos. To be honest, I kind of wish my show was named that. Rest assured if I ever make a comedy album, that will be the title. I hope I win a Grammy and Keith Richards, who always gives away the Best Comedy Album Grammy, is forced to say the title. Although, that’s a lot of words to say and that could kill him. Sure, I would have the honor of doing what was up to that point considered impossible, but I also would have ended The Rolling Stones. And yes, you could argue that both should have happened decades ago, but I refuse to have that on me. Guilt really does a number on my skin. So many wrinkles! Forget it, I take myself out of the running. I don’t need your Grammy!

2. Big props to Maddie! It took just over a month, but the couch now has a hole in it! Good job, girl!

3. Boy, Maddie needs a bath. I am not looking forward to that. She loves water when it’s in bowl form but hates it in every other context.  My only option? A giant bowl that she can fit into. Problem solved.

4. Training Tip! Coins in a can as a form of noise deterrent works about 5 times. After which the dog will fall in love with the can and try to become best friends with it.

-Mike

*I won’t. I have no appeal. To anyone.