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Happy Day After Christmas! Let’s do a holiday recap, no? What’s that? Whatevs, I’m doing one anyway.

1. My birthday, as I’ve already covered, was a mixed bag. I wasn’t handling the aging thing well and generally speaking, just wasn’t in a very good mood.  In fact, the last thing I wanted to do after a day of fighting traffic and other nuisances (like the reality of my mortality) was to do a show. Well, I’m glad I did. I sometimes forget since we’re always working together, that my co-workers are some of my closest friends on the planet. Anyhoo, they really cheered this son of a bitch up and made me feel like a real ace!  It was a really nice. After the show in what’s becoming a bit of a tradition, we did an Armando Diaz  where I, because I was the birthday boy, did all the monologues. All of this was followed up by some Bulldog NE.  It was great fun.

2. Xmas Eve was something of a let down. I was supposed to head down to Chicago on that day, but a winter advisory kept me off the road and in my house. In a way this was good. The extra time allowed me to wrap presents and watch like ten episodes of Top Chef Chicago.  How did Lisa (was that her name? I can’t remember) make it into the final group? Wow. What a nasty little person she was on that show. Lisa, did however allow me to forget if only for a moment that I had let the Lil’ Chicago Warrior (also named Lisa! Crazy!) down. Oh man, she claims she was mad at the weather and not at me, which would only be true if instead of a person, I were a storm front. I’m not sure what I wrote made sense. She was mad at me.

3. Christmas found me on the road.  At one point my car wouldn’t go over 60mph and shook like it was going to explode.  So I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled into a gas station, filled up the car, and then re-started it. From there it worked like aces. Nice. I should be a mechanic.

Spent the rest of Christmas with the relatives. LCW came with and what can I say? The girl knows how to work a crowd. By the end of the night she was holding babies, making small talk about the erosion of our civil liberties and sitting at the adults table.

4. Finally, if you get a chance, scroll down my sidebar (growl!) and join my blog network. It’s a thing for Facebook. It might give me more exposure. Thanks!

Hope your holidays were well.

Mike

Happy Thursday!

1.  For my Wednesday, the plan was, unlike the prior two days,  to get some writing done.  To feel a sense of accomplishment. To ward off the lazy monster that had been perched upon my back and had been sucking any energy I had and face the day! And for the most part the plan worked. Sure, Facebook sucked away productive time like it always does and yeah my crosswords took longer than usual to do, but I forced myself to get out of the house and the point is, by the end of the day I had gotten some seriously good writing done. Writing that I could hang my hat on, or set my watch to whichever old man phrase you prefer. Considering how hard it has been for me to write a coherent sentence let alone some comedy lately, I was feeling a sense of relief.

How bad has it been for me lately? Well, it took me nearly an hour to put together the piece of crap paragraph you just read.

Anyhoo, to celebrate my near competence, I went to Dominoes to pick up a medium cheese pizza.  To me, nothing says victory like eating in one serving something that should take four.  Everything was going fine. I was really excited. I ran up to my front door pizza box in hand. I was so close. I just had to slip the key into the lock and I would be in pizza heaven. Then for no reason at all, the box slipped out of my hand, flew open and beautiful slices of greasy pizza plopped onto my disgusting patio floor. I thought about giving up on everything. Just giving up and moving to some island to start a simpler life that didn’t involve doors. But instead,  I picked up the slices with a stoic grace and proceeded to eat them.  That’s right dear reader, I ate the pizza now covered in snow, dirt and ice melting salt out of spite. “Fuck you world”, I thought as my mouth worked its way through cheese and grit,  “I deserve this pizza.  Find another dick to chafe.”

Mike