Happy Monday. I trust you all had a decent, if not very good, holiday.
1. Fuck you, Bears. I went to the game last night, and while I will freely admit that the Vikings played very well, The Bears’ inability to catch balls down field when they were wide open also probably played a role in the game’s outcome.
Anyway, onto the fun stuff.
The Miller High Life guy sang the National Anthem. It was terrible, but it felt really American in a completely gross, marketed way.
The commercial break contests were great fun! The keg race was awesome.
Last year, as some of you might know, a few of us got into a verbal tussle with a group of hillbilly-ish Vikings fans, in particular a mother daughter duo who shared beer and cigarettes. It got more than a little heated and I’m pretty sure that most of us felt a little bit of guilt about things that were said.
Well guess who sat in front of us again this year? Apologies (kind of. More of a truce) were had and things went pretty well with mom and daughter. There was no more hatred to be spewed. There was no point in looking back. We would just ignore each other. Which worked until the end of the game, when the daughter was too drunk to remember the terms of our agreement and made fun of us in the most adorably inept way.
The fellas sitting behind us were tons of fun to shoot the shit with. They knew the game, and harbored no fantasies that they were part of the team. And aside from the creepiness factor, there was a certain charm to the weird guy who every four or five plays, would leave his seat a few rows in front of us and come and talk to me. “Talk” isn’t the right word. He more just stated facts at me, like “The Vikings have lost 4 super bowls” or, “My wife…she’s sitting right there…is a Vikings fan. But not me. I like the Bears…and Packers…And the Vikings are okay. Do you like stuff?”
Really, the only people that annoyed me were this alcoholic middle aged couple. After a Bear’s cheap shot, the middle aged man, whose real shame is not that he’s an alcoholic, but that he feeds his beast with Mike’s Hard Lemonade, turned to us and screamed, “You know that was bullshit! You know it! Bullshit! You guys are dirty!” He wanted us to apologize for the hit, but we stood by our argument that we were not on the Bear’s coaching staff and under no obligation to apologize, an argument which he rejected. Thank God, the ensuing MHL’s that he downed dampened his fervor.
As for his wife, what is the best way to describe her? Maybe as the person in your office that nobody likes because she’s snarky and is in no way a decent human being to those around her? Here’s why I say that, after being accused of orchestrating the late hit on Gus Ferrotte, we did everything in our power to ignore this couple. They were just annoying, and were hoping to take the problems in their marriage and transfer them onto us for an evening. Fine. People do that all the time. Whatever. The thing is, she kept trying to goad us into fights, at one point staring us down and screaming, “I know the rules of football!” , clearly hoping that one of us would scream back, “No you don’t! Girls don’t know nothin! No get out of this stadium and make us a pie!” at which point her limp dick husband would remember that at one point in his life he loved (at least liked) his wife and would defend her honor.
We didn’t take the bait and she never got to see her husband let her down. You think I’m being a dick, but she truly, truly sucked.
Anyway, the moral of the story is this: A good time was had by all.
